切り変えなければいけない人は、私。

時々、振られた時とか寂しい時に、母と話せます。道すがらその談話の中に、母に｢あなたのために人どこかにいるのですが。今、あなたかその人は、気さくじゃないでその人が切り変えなきゃかもね、それから神さまにあなた達がまだ会わせなかった。｣ような事とよく言われた。　その時には、｢そうだろうな。｣とか｢速く切り変えるほうがいいと思う。｣と言う、私が。でも、今日は気が変わった。切り変えなければいけない人は別人じゃない、私だ。数年前から体を惜しむようになりしまった。家事の風な事を、いつも要務があったと思っていたから、ずらししまいましたし。したいことを、自分で有りもしない障壁を作って、できなかった。自分に私が寛大すぎた。それでこれから私が違って、前より飽かず頑張ります。

Sometimes when I've been dumped or when life seems a little lonely, I talk with my mom. Somewhere along those conversations, my mom usually says something like, "There is someone out there for you, but either you or her isn't ready, and maybe has to change. Because of that God hasn't allowed you two to meet." At those times I would say things like, "Yeah, you're probably right," and "I hope she would hurry up and change." However, today I changed my mind. It isn't her who needs changing, its me. Since a few years ago I had become lazy. I allowed things like household chores to be put off because I was always thinking there was urgent business to attend to. And also, I wasn't able to do the things that I wanted to do because I had constructed imaginary barriers. I have been too lax with myself. From here, I am going to act a bit differently and passionately do my best.